


Last to Know, First to Understand

by KairaKara101



Series: Last to Know [1]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, F/F, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV) Wing Reveal, Past Torture, Psychological Torture, Redemption, Reincarnation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-25
Updated: 2019-03-25
Packaged: 2019-12-07 19:12:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18239084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KairaKara101/pseuds/KairaKara101
Summary: Dan dreams of Hell, known about it intimately since he could remember. It haunts and torments him. With a string of gruesome murders, a damned blade, and a reveal that shifts everything.





	1. Chapter 1

Azazel walks through the halls of Hell, absently hearing the cries of the damned. He closes his eyes tiredly making his way towards the throne room. Azazel pushes the double doors open walking inside. It was empty. He rolls his eyes finding Lucifer no where in sight. It seems like an eternity ago since the last time he had to deal with Lucifer running off to Earth for a break from the mundane tasks of overseeing Hell. 

Azazel exhales trying to keep his patience. Though, that is good. He smiles turning on his heel heading off to his own space in Hell. If he wants to do what he was about to do, he needs to do it without Lucifer in house. Otherwise, Lucifer might stop him from doing it.

“My lord?” 

He looks to his right and sees Cecylia coming up to his side, “yes?”

“Are you sure you wish to do this?”

“Yes. Did you want to go to Earth?”

“Do I get to enjoy human decadence and debauchery?”

“I would not stop you,” Azazel replies grinning knowingly.

“Sounds like fun. Better than torturing boring Souls,” Cecylia states shrugging, “how will I find you? Earth is huge.”

“You belong to me,” Azazel answers calmly, “you will feel the pull. Shall I drop you off on Earth?”

“My lord, the process has never been done before. Are you sure it will work?”

“Enough,” Azazel replies ending the conversation. Cecylia nods in understanding and follows after him. 

This would be the last time he step foot in Hell for sometime and perhaps this time, his punishment will feel fitting to his crime.


	2. Chapter 2

Dan screams awake clawing at his neck, only for a pair of hands grasping his own gently and pulling them away from his neck.

“Oh no don’t do that,” a voice states softly, “you’ll hurt yourself even more.”

Dan blinks as his vision begins to clear showing the white ceiling and the incessant beeping of the machines. Turning his head to his left, he sees a brown hair woman with bright blue eyes slowly letting his hands go.

“W-where am I?” Dan croaks out feeling his throat throb with pain.

“You’re at the hospital, Mr. Espinoza. I am Dr. Wingfield,” she replies soothingly, “you were brought here when my friend found you in the basement of an abandoned house.” 

She takes in his confused expression and purses her lip briefly.

“My friend happens to live across from the abandoned house and she noticed that a person was coming and going when it had remained abandoned for years,” Dr. Wingfield informs softly.

Knock. Knock. Dan glances toward the doorway and sees another woman leaning in.

“Oh, Dr. Sinclair,” Dr. Wingfield greets with a smile, “come to see your surgery patient?” 

“Yeah, glad to see he woke up,” Dr. Sinclair says as she steps into the room, “you had quite the number of injuries, Mr. Espinoza. Does your throat hurt?”

Dan nods watching as Dr. Sinclair goes over to the table and pours him a glass of water. 

“I was just telling Mr. Espinoza about how our friend found and brought him here,” Dr. Wingfield states calmly while picking up his chart. Dr. Sinclair nods and helps him drink the water. Dan drinks it quickly before he coughs. 

“Easy, Mr. Espinoza,” Dr. Sinclair says softly.

“A-am I allowed to know who brought me here?” Dan questions quietly bringing a bandaged hand to rub his abused throat. He stops as his fingers feel the bandage around his throat.

“Yes. I’m sure she’ll be by to see how you’re doing,” Dr. Sinclair replies softly putting the water down on the table, “I’ll go ahead and check your bandages.”

“Her name is Astraea Lyall. She’s a cafe shop owner,” Dr. Wingfield answers checking the notes and adding the new information before handing the chart over to Sinclair, “if you were curious, Mr. Espinoza. She can make a mighty mean cup of Joe.”

Dan blinks tiredly, taking in the information that the two doctors were saying. Dr. Wingfield smiles as she leans against the railing at the end of his bed.

“You should get your rest, Mr. Espinoza.”

*****

It was a few days later. Dan stands with the nurse as they finish up his discharge papers. The doctors seem surprised at his recovery, except his two actual doctors. They seem happy to see him recovering so well. They might be the only ones that seem to really care these days. Dan rubs his temple with his fingers gently. His headache won’t go away and he already had some medication for it. 

“You’re all set, Mr. Espinoza. Please take it easy for the next couple of days,” the nurse states handing him the papers. He gives them a small tight smile and nods.

“Thank you,” Dan replies taking a shuttering breath rubbing his chest frowning.

“Finally getting out of this hell hole, Mr. Espinoza?” 

Dan turns to see Dr. Wingfield giving him a gentle smile as she leans against the counter. 

“Yeah, to be honest, the white walls were sort of getting to me,” Dan replies softly still not sure if his throat could handle any another volume, “also, I never got to meet Ms. Lyall and—“

“I’ll give you the address to her shop,” Dr. Wingfield says pulling out a case holding business cards and handed him one, “she’ll be glad to see you up and about.”

Dan takes the card in his hand and reads it. _Piece of Heaven_ was the name of the cafe. It was like the universe was laughing at him. He glances up to see the amuse smile on Dr. Wingfield’s face.

“Yeah, I know. She took it literally when I said her drinks were like a piece of heaven. But I do stand by that she can make a very good cup of Joe. If you ever needed a cup,” Dr. Wingfield says still smiling, “do take care, Mr. Espinoza.”

“Will do, Doc. Thanks,” Dan answers with a grateful smile, “also, tell Dr. Sinclair thanks to for me.”

“Of course. You have the papers you needed for your workplace?”

“Yeah. I got everything. I’ll be going.”

*****

It was definitely more than a hundred and by the fifth one, he was ready to smash his head into the wall. Not that would help his headache any. Dan sighs tiredly as he calls up the chief to report what happened. He tells the chief that he’ll bring the papers around tomorrow. He’s grateful that the chief ended the call with a nice sentiments on him taking it easy.

The talk with Chloe and Trixie will be so much harder. He missed a few days and the angry voicemails and text messages were proof of that. He doesn’t even know if he can make it up with them either. Dan sighs and allows his head to rest against the back of his couch. His life feels like a hot mess. Dan chuckles humorlessly. He was so messed up and tired to the bone. 

The universe really likes to beat the crap out of him. Well, sitting in his apartment won’t solve the mess that he seems to have gotten himself in. He pushes his tired body up and groans at how sore it was.

“Holy shit,” Dan mutters as he gasps for air leaning against his couch, “yeah, that won’t be happening.”

Dan slowly sits down before laying himself out on the couch. He’ll apologize to Chloe and Trixie tomorrow. Perhaps, he’ll even feel better than he was right at that moment. 

*****

Quickly sitting up, Dan chokes on a scream breathing heavily. He glances around the room and tries to desperately even out his short breathes as his injuries throb. He’s in his apartment on his couch. The sun is still below the horizon. They’re dead or behind bars. He’s fine. He’s fine. Dan gasps as he brings his knees to his chest, keeping his head in between his knees. Gasping for air trying to count to ten. Failing like the entirety of his life. 

Dan chokes out a breathless laugh as he flops onto his back, taking halting breaths. Okay, maybe he wasn’t dealing as well as he thought with the kidnapping and beating. 

The sun isn’t even up, but the lack of movement is too much. He needs to be doing something otherwise his brain is going to make him go crazy. Dan sits up slowly swinging his legs over the side of the couch. Might as well get ready for his return to work and facing Chloe.

*****

Well that meeting was an absolute disaster. It might be on his top five horrible meetings with Chloe. At least, the meeting with the chief went well even if he has been regulated to desk work. 

Dan rubs his temple with his fingers as he writes his reports with his other hand. His head won’t stop with the headaches. Then again, he hasn’t taken any painkillers that morning. He’d rather save those pills for a rainy day anyway. Dan keeps his focus on his reports but the sound of Lucifer and Chloe’s voice brings him out of his work haze. 

He peeks up at them blinking tiredly. Were they aware that they had a weird dance going on? The constant bantering back and forth. There was a push and pull that neither of them seem to notice. It was like watching the sun with an uncaring moon revolving around it, except it was the moon that was unmoving. Dan shakes his head banishing the thought. Whatever is going on between them… is between them. He tried to get in between that and it backfired in his face.

And he’s tired. Bone weary to his very soul. He feels the aches in his bones and his mind feels heavy and sluggish. Dan has to fight the bubbling urge to laugh hysterically at his current situation. Because he feels like he’s been hit with a bullet train going at full speed. Or if his nightmares mean anything, he has been a tormentor and torturer of his own making for a very long time.

_Okay, Dan, enough. Focus._

Dan takes a shaking breath as he returns his attention to the paperwork. They weren’t going to finish themselves.

*****

Dan stares at the business card in his hand before glancing across the street to the actual cafe. It looks quaint and cosy. Warm neutral colors painted on the outside and the windows were slightly tinted. 

He blinks taking a shaking breath, wiping his sweating hands on his pants. Why is he so nervous? This situation was nothing like asking Chloe to marry him. He was only going to thank the person that found him. Taking a step, he crosses the street to enter the cafe.

Inside, the soft gentle music enveloped him as the smell of roasted coffee reach his nose. Somehow, Dan feels his body warm to the bone. A sense of calm washes over him. He walks to the counter and sees a green fern sitting there in a blue ceramic pot. Glancing around, he sees the different green plants scattered around the building and…. Was that the sound of water running? He blinks as he sees gentle stream underneath his feet snaking its way towards the small indoor pond? What the…?  
“Hello. What can I get started for you, sir?” 

Dan snaps out of his daze gazing back up at the counter. His eyes are greeted by a woman with bright green eyes that widen in recognition. 

“Oh, you finally got discharged from the hospital. I’m glad to see you up on your feet.”

“You’re…?” Dan says slowly.

“Yeah, Astraea Lyall, at your service,” she replies softly smiling.

“I was wondering if I could speak with you for a bit?” Dan states nervously as she blinks slowly.

“Of course. Did you want anything to drink? I can have that made as I find someone to take over the counter.”

“I—,” Dan glances up at the menu slightly overwhelmed at the amount of drinks on the board written in chalk pen. Astraea chuckles leaning against the counter.

“Shall I surprise you then? The menu can be overwhelming to first time customers. Shop has a lot of drinks.”

“Yeah, that would be appreciated,” Dan says slowly as he moves to grab his wallet.

“It’s on the house,” Astraea states softly, “as a congratulations on discharging from the hospital. Feel free to grab a seat anywhere you like. I’ll be with you in just a few.”

Dan nods watching as she calls to her employee in the back. Turning around, he looks for a place to sit. He finds a cosy little corner that gives him eyes on all the exits in the building. Dan makes himself comfortable as he takes in the rest of the cafe. He can see her making a drink laughing at something her employee said before she playfully bumps shoulder with them.

As she makes her way over, she stops at her customers and speaks softly with them briefly. They all smile and reply. Dan sits there quietly watching feeling like perhaps this little cafe was what heaven might feel like. Not that he has any belief in making it there himself. Not after everything he has done. Not with his own dreams showing him Hell itself and the absolute exhaustion he feels after having them. No, he will not be expecting peace when he dies. 

“Lots on your mind?” Astraea says softly putting a drink down in front of him before sitting down in the chair across from him with her own drink in hand. 

“A bit, yeah. I should have introduced myself earlier, Dan Espinoza.”

“A pleasure to finally meet you, Mr. Espinoza.”

“Please, just Dan is fine. Mr. Espinoza is my father.”

“Of course, Dan. So, you wanted to talk?”

“I—I wanted to thank you for finding me and getting me to the hospital,” Dan says as he traces the edge of the cup with his fingers, “it was a pretty brave of you to go into an abandoned house like that.”

“It was no problem. Always happy to help. I’ll be honest. I was sort of worried that there might be others there, but I didn’t see anyone else coming and going other than that one person.”

“Why didn’t you call the police? Why go in there yourself and put yourself in danger like that?” Dan questions slightly confused. Normal people would have ignored it or called it in.

“I don’t know if you were aware but where I live, it would take the police too long to get there and they would have their sirens going, alerting everyone within a ten miles radius,” Astraea says softly looking down at her drink, “and plus, if it was a few people, I probably could punch the lights out of them. I’m friends with some pretty good hand-to-hand combatants.”  
Dan takes a sip of his drink. The drink was smooth and rich with a hint of cinnamon and some other spice. Weird. The drink reminds him of the first time he held Trixie in his arms. The wonder and awe that he had holding onto his daughter for the first time. It was warm and it reminded him of how Trixie was his world. That he would be willing to destroy the world if it kept her safe and happy.

He puts the cup down and looks up to see her smiling gently.

“That drink is what I call ‘Ray of Light’.”

“Why is it called that?”

“Because, I’ve had people come to me and tell me how the drink reminds them of some of the brightest moments in their lives,” Astraea says grinning, “also because I’m a complete sucker for horribly named drinks.”

Dan chuckles as he recalls some of the drink names before growing solemn and quiet. 

Astraea studies him from behind her cup. She can see the defeat in his shoulders. The tiredness in the tightness of his eyes. The pain bubbling into a huge storm in his eyes. A loneliness that seems to make its way onto his face when he wasn’t fully aware of it. But most of all, she can see the self-hate and guilt bleeding onto his skin and enveloping him in an endless loop of pain and torture. 

She jumps in surprise when he stands up.

“I should get going. I’m going to be needed back at work,” Dan states softly, “again, thank you for helping me and the drink. It was delicious.”

“Anytime,” she answers softly watching as he left before taking out her phone to call a friend.

*****

Dan wasn’t sure why he kept going back to that little cafe, but he did. Seeing Astraea work happily with her employees and the bright smiles on her patrons brings a warmth to his Soul that has been chilled by the nightmares of Hell. He sips on his coffee working on some papers. The office feels too tight. People keep staring and whispering. Try as he might, ignoring it can only go so far until he can’t take it anymore. 

“Need some brain food?” Astraea questions stopping at his table. Dan gives her a small smile.

“I suppose some won’t hurt,” Dan answers truthfully, “how long have I been here?”

“A few hours. Did you need to go?”

“Not yet.”

She smiles looking up as the bell chimes as the door opens, “Welcome to… oh Gabe!”

“Sup, Astray! Oh a new guy,” Gabriel states cheerfully coming over, pulling a lollipop out of his pocket, “I’m Gabriel. How you liking the cafe?”

“It’s very nice and homey. The people here are friendly and down to earth,” Dan replies blinking twirling his pen between his fingers, “Gabriel? Did your parents name you after an angel by any chance?”

“Yes! After the Archangel of Mercy, my parents are complete religious nerds to be honest,” Gabriel replies sitting down across from Dan unwrapping the lollipop and sticking it inside his mouth, “though that isn’t what most people ask me right off the bat.”

“Uh,” Dan rubs the back of his head sheepishly, “I have an acquaintance that calls himself Lucifer Morningstar. I can’t tell if he’s delusional or if he actually is the Devil.”

“Isn’t he that club owner?” Gabriel points out giving Astraea a wink. She rolls her eyes walking off.

“Yes, he’s a civilian consultant for the LAPD,” Dan replies surprised at how relaxed he feels talking with Gabriel. It feels like he was talking to one of his close brothers, “he does some crazy shit sometimes and I can’t logically explain them.”

“Oh, like what? That is if you can tell me,” Gabriel questions leaning forward on his elbows, “you look like a cop.”

Dan groans rolling his eyes. Why does everyone say that? He doesn’t have a cop face. Urgh. 

“I could have sworn he was shot with bullets, but he got up like it was nothing,” Dan explains quietly spinning his pen, “there were bullet holes in his shirt but surprisingly no blood. I seriously thought I just killed a good man and he just….” Dan swallows thickly blinking as the memory of that day flashes through his mind.  
“…he just got up and acted like he wasn’t just shot,” Gabriel finishes softly with understanding after the brief pause. 

“Yes! That!” Dan exclaims leaning forward eyes wide, “then there are the suspects all calling him the Devil or going hysterical when he talks with them. There’s still a guy in a psych ward cause he was so traumatized. It doesn’t make any logical sense!”

“I can see why,” Gabriel acknowledges licking his lollipop, “what if he actually is the Devil?”

Dan jolts at the question, “that’s not possible.”

“Well, humor me, what if this Lucifer Morningstar is actually the Devil? What would you do?” Gabriel questions curious to his answer.

“I dunno. I…,” Dan sighs dropping his pen onto his papers, “I think I might have a meltdown and then tell him to stay away from my kid. I mean, that would mean he’s the Devil. The source of all evil.”

“Has this Lucifer actually done anything that screams _Devil_ to you?” Gabriel inquires pulling another Dum Dum out of his pocket, ah blueberry flavor.

“Well, no. He’s slightly strange, but he’s nice guy when he isn’t trying to annoy me,” Dan replies lifting up his coffee cup, “he has moments, but those… don’t scream evil or Devil to me. I mean, how can someone who has trouble with normal human things be the Devil? He also says he doesn’t lie.”

“I don’t know if you want my advice, probably not,” Gabriel says softly, unwrapping the Dum Dum, “but I would judge a man by their actions rather than what others might have to say about that person.”

“That’s good advice. I suppose I’ll think on it,” Dan agrees quietly sipping on his coffee, “so, you know Astraea?”

“Yeah, she’s a good friend. Met her through my little sister,” Gabriel answers rolling the Dum Dum in between his fingers, “why? You interested?” Gabriel chuckles, grinning like a cat that ate the canary, as Dan chokes on his drink.

“What! No, I…,” Dan jumps when his phone rings and vibrates on the table, seeing the caller ID, “sorry, I need to take this.”

“Of course. Nice talk,” Gabriel says pushing himself up and heading off to the counter to bother the baristas. Dan accepts the call leaning back listening to the voice on the other end.

“Dan? We need you at a crime scene. I’ll text you the location,” Ella states calmly.

“Got it. See you soon,” Dan replies hanging up the phone and packing up his papers. Astraea comes over and extends a small paper bag with a to go cup.

“Got you a snack for the road,” Astraea says softly, “good luck with work.”

“Thanks,” Dan says taking the food. He grabs his stuff and heads off.


End file.
